Some days I feel like I’m running around trying to get everything done and I collapse on the couch remembering all that i didn’t get done.  Im simply exhausted. I have been told over and over again that  I would have more energy if I looked after myself more, and I’m constantly reminded that I don’t exercise enough

I’m not a marathon runner like my friend Dilys or climb a mountain every morning  like my friend Anne Berit in fact I have struggled to do much exercise for years due to various illnesses, lately due to an ankle injury followed by ankle surgery- which still gives me pain.  So yes I do go on walks,  but gone are the days I would run 1 mile a day before PE lessons or cycle every day, or play volleyball- these activities stopped when i had knee surgery 20 years ago.

You see I know I have many excuses for not exercising and most of them are not only good but true too.

When I recently went to a  see a consultant for yet another medical condition, he read through my medical notes and looked up at me and then reading more until he said – Your are really an interesting person- you really have gone through a lot with your health, his amazement increased when I added the medical history that would be found in the Danish/Swedish notes that he did not have translated…

So I understand  granted my medical history why I am exhausted, but I somewhat refuse to accept limitations.

I wont list all my medical ailments here, it would be too depressing, and  I don’t want that to identify me, but yes it does sometime limit me.  Singer Anastacia  has a couple of lines in a song that resonates with how I sometimes feel:  Im sick and tired of always being sick and tired.

You see when you start with a healthy body, exercise is a mind over matter.  But when you are regularly fighting illness you body’s energy is used by just living and doing regular things. So often I hear from healthy people and friends that I just need to get back in an exercise routine and I will get energy… This is true when you are not battling illnesses, but when you starting point is below zero its a different matter, and not merely about willpower. Living with pain and through pain depletes your energy reserves, and yes whereas exercise is good and needed its not about simply putting on your running shoes.  You are limited and have to work within those limitations.

Health  effects your entire life, and when parts of your body is ill – your entire body is effected. This can be limiting

Limitations that come  in the shape of lack of energy and not being able to do as many things as  planned.

But perhaps I need to look at it the other way around. perhaps my limitations focuses me on more  important matters than exercising and being obsessed with having a healthy body- for i’ll never get that- my scars remind me that I have been sent to the operating table 6 times for various illnesses,  and my broken body has been repaired through medication and surgery.

But does it matter that I can’t exercise that much?  That my body has to preserve energy to stay relatively healthy?

In a body/fitness  obssesed culture what matters more than being fit?

I am blessed. I am alive. I can move around.  I am able to work. I have great friends. I have an amazing husband.

Perhaps my exhaustion comes from being overly optimistic in what can be done in a day.

Perhaps I simply plan too many things that are unrealistic to accomplish in time allocated. Sound familiar?

Perhaps  if I stopped cramming so much into my daily schedule and recognised that I cannot do it all and indeed I don’t have to do it all, if I let go of this urge to respond to all needs presented to me when they are presented to me, then just perhaps I will stop collapsing on my couch  in exhaustion.

In the Bible the gospel of Matthew (chapter 11 v 28-30) Jesus gives this advise

“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”

I will in this month try to take deep breaths, rest, laugh out loud  and marvel at the colours on the trees as I sip a nice cup of tea.

I believe living to the full is possible even when your physical health gives you limitations. I enjoy life. I am blessed.